The Distinctly Non-Clandestine Committee of Against Terror Raids In Aotearoa, Dunedin (DNCCoATRIAD) is declaring a two-day nationwide amnesty for avocadoes (and camouflage gear) on Saturday 27 and Sunday 28 October, spokesperson Eleanor Baxter-Kenana announced today.

During the recent dawn raids of terror, avocadoes - along with their noisier relations, carrots, camouflage gear and hunting rifles - have been linked with an alleged plot to overthrow the government of Aotearoa and cause wanton violence.

In the spirit of community service and in order to mitigate serious risk to public safety, DNCCoATRIAD is offering to provide temporary shelter for all avocadoes and dispose of them safely and appropriately.

“O come all ye avocadoes, terrifying and subversive,” Baxter-Kenana was quoted as singing, “whether hidden beneath couches, concealed at the back of cupboards, over-ripening in brown paper bags, or moldering away in the bottoms of fruit bowls, we call on you to turn yourselves in.”

ATRIA Dunedin members is participating in a family-friendly picnic and community training camp on Sunday 28 October, at which the DNCC will be providing amnesty boxes where avocadoes and camouflage gear can be deposited.

“Anyone who wishes to rid themselves of this dangerous and subversive fruit will also be able to do so anonymously and without prejudice,” Baxter-Kenana said. “We exhort the New Zealand public to divest themselves of any avocadoes in their possession lest they spark another terrorist scare.”

Down with terror! Down with camouflage! Down with avocadoes!

ENDS